The shame spiral of overstimulation (and a reminder that you’re not broken)

If you’re highly sensitive, there’s a very good chance you know overwhelm, intimately. 

When I’ve had moments of deep shame, they’ve frequently been in the aftermath of overstimulation – those times when I’ve just, well … exploded. 

The thing about being a sensitive person is that you are always taking in a lot of information (#nofilter). And, just like a water jug can only hold so much liquid before it overflows, you can only take in and process so much input before you, too, overflow.

But here’s something I think most of us don’t give enough weight to: when you’re sensitive, not only do you take in more information (because #nofilter), you also process all of that information more deeply. 

So, if you’re in a room with bright lights, loud conversation and you’re wearing a jumper that keeps scratching your neck? It might take one seemingly ‘small’ thing to throw you into disarray – your favourite meal being sold out, feeling misunderstood in a conversation or a spilled drink. 

The really unfortunate aftermath of this? For most highly sensitive people, they will then plummet into a pit of self-shaming and criticism, instead of acknowledging the deeper truth: they’re highly sensitive and overstimulated. That’s not a moral failing, it’s an invitation to look at how you can meet yourself and your sensitivity with more compassion and kindness. 

Let’s go back to our water jug analogy. Imagine you start pouring water into that jug believing it can take as much water as you choose to give it. You try to pour two litres of water into a jug that has the capacity for one litre. 

What’s going to happen? It will overflow, of course. No one would be surprised by that. 

And yet we, as highly sensitive people, regularly expect ourselves to have a capacity that far exceeds what’s truly reasonable and kind (please pause and read that sentence again – this is important!)

When your capacity is exceeded and you fall headlong into overwhelm? You might tend to spiral into shame, blame and criticism, which only makes it worse. 

What’s a highly sensitive person to do? Well, there’s lots of things that might help. Here are some to consider: 

Take inventory of your sensitivities:
Where do you feel particularly sensitive? Is it loud noises and bright lights? Crowds and surface level conversation? Time pressure? All of the above?

Then consider how often you’re exposed to these things and how that might be impacting your experiences of feeling overstimulated and overwhelmed day to day. Ask yourself: is there any way for me to modulate the impact of these inputs? (think: dim the lights, wear headphones, take a break etc). 

Meet yourself with compassion: 
Sometimes it’s just plain frustrating to feel limited by your sensitivities – I get it. However … that frustration can be a doorway into self-compassion. Try acknowledging: ‘this is tough!’ and then choose to meet yourself with kindness.

Ask yourself how you can siphon some ‘water’ out of your metaphorical jug:
Spending time in nature, solitude or creativity might be that outlet for you. Perhaps it’s a morning yoga class or a bit of meditation before bed. Get curious about what practices and strategies might help and then experiment to see what feels supportive. 

I hope some of those ideas spark something for you. 

At the end of the day, as a Highly Sensitive Person, you will experience overstimulation at times. 

That’s not a flaw or evidence that you’re not doing a good job at being human. It is just … human. And you are not alone. 

– Erica Webb