One of the hallmarks of being a Highly Sensitive Person is preferring deep conversation over small talk.
As a general rule, you can miss us HSPs with chit chat. Yeah, the weather is great … but let’s talk about what matters.
We want to go deep, existential and personal. And yet, sometimes, we’ve learned it’s not safe to do that. It might be that we’ve found ourselves ‘too much’ for others (who prefer to keep it light) or we find ourselves in the position of being the listener more often than not (which doesn’t leave any space for our own sharing).
But what are the risks of not having space to express the depth of your thinking?
Another interesting thing many (but not all) Highly Sensitive People experience is the need to process out loud. External processing means that you tend to clarify your thoughts by speaking, writing, or otherwise expressing them outside your own mind.
In my experience, I often don’t know what I really think until the words come out of my mouth!
But does it really matter that much if you don’t have an outlet for external processing or engaging in deep conversation? Yes – I think it really does.
When there’s a paucity of deep conversation or an absence of space, time and a kind ear to listen as you untangle your thoughts? You may well find yourself feeling unheard, unseen and deeply misunderstood. So, how do you, as a Highly Sensitive Person, navigate it if these needs are chronically unmet?
Here are a few ideas that might help:
- Find a good therapist. Working with a counsellor who “gets” sensitivity allows you to process out loud without worrying about the give‑and‑take of ordinary conversation.
- Join special-interest communities. The new High Sensitivity Australia Facebook group exists for exactly this reason! If you haven’t joined us yet, we’d love to welcome you there! You might also find a group of like-minded people who share similar interests and are SO ready to talk deeply about them. Think about what lights you up and search for people and spaces who share your passions.
- Explore other ways of expressing yourself. This might include journaling, dance, movement, art – anything that moves feeling into form outside of your mind.
Ultimately, if you prefer deep conversation and recognise a need in yourself to process ‘out loud’, it pays to take those needs seriously.
Remember: your unique way of making sense of the world is valid and valuable.
I’d love to hear how you nourish these needs— leave a comment below and let me know.
– Erica.