I really hate it when people say, “I need to talk to you about something.”
My mind immediately goes to, “What did I do wrong?”
Of course, most of the time it’s a question about counselling, or a chat about gardening, or dealing with elderly parents, or raising kids as a single dad, or a query about Forest Therapy — or a whole bunch of other things that are just part of normal life.
You know, people wanting to pick your brains about something.
But, no.
My HSP, worst-case-scenario brain catastrophises, and within a few minutes, everybody hates me.
This afternoon, it happened again.
There was a missed call on my phone and a message left. I listened to the message:
“Hello Matt. This is Steve from Victoria Police. Please give me a call back.”
S$#@!
What did I do wrong?
Are they coming to get me?
Am I going to be fined thousands of dollars?
How long will I spend in prison?
And on it went.
I called him back — and it was none of the above. He just needed a statement regarding one of my clients.
Easy.
I can do that.
Once my central nervous system calmed down, I reflected on why my mind goes there every time this happens.
I think it partly has to do with our people-pleasing nature as highly sensitive people. Even the smallest possibility that we’ve upset someone or done something others see as wrong can send us into a tailspin.
Our tendency to prefer routine and avoid chaos plays a part too. We don’t know what’s going to be said next and automatically assume all our plans will go out the window the moment the other person opens their mouth.
And sometimes, it has to do with our history. There have been times when others have said things to us and the result was awful — jobs lost, marriages ended, money gone, friendships over. All of these came with enormous pain that was magnified by our sensitivity. If there’s anything we can do to avoid repeating that, we will.
I’ve tried to train myself to not make decisions when my nervous system is on high alert. I need to calm myself down so I can see things more clearly.
As I type this, I’m sitting on the couch after spending some time outside. My drink is cold and the atmosphere is peaceful. I know I’m not going to prison.
But I did make sure I’d paid my tax bill. Just in case…
– Matt